It is completely normal in our society for women, married women, to:

  • Have celebrity crushes.
  • Watch sexually inappropriate content.
  • Have “lists” of people they’d be able to kiss or be intimate with if the opportunity ever presented itself; this usually includes famous people.
  • Have “work” spouses. These are men that they spend a lot of time with at their job and so they call them their “work hubby.”
  • Fantasize about other men. As long as you don’t act on it, it doesn’t hurt anyone.
  • Engage in private conversations on social media and the phone with someone of the opposite sex. Married women can still have male friends!

This is all NORMAL for women of the world. Just turn on BRAVO and it’s allllll right there and even worse things. Please don’t actually turn on Bravo. ūüėČ These things should NOT be normal for the wife who has been crucified with Christ.

19 Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: sexual immorality, impurity, indecent behavior, 20 idolatry, witchcraft, hostilities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions, 21 envy, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 Now those who belong to Christ Jesus crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.25 If we live by the Spirit, let’s follow the Spirit as well. РGalatians 5

A Godly wife MUST have eyes and thoughts for HER HUSBAND and him alone. This means she takes any and all thoughts of anyone else, fiction or real – celebrity or friend, CAPTIVE and she hands those thoughts over to be crucified under Jesus’ Lordship.

…We take captive every thought to make it obedient¬†to Christ. – 2 Corinthians 10:5

Our thoughts are not harmless sisters. Not at all. They need to be taken VERY VERY seriously.

Let no one say when he is tempted, ‚ÄúI am being tempted by God,‚ÄĚ for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. – James 1:13-15


Your thought life is just as important as what you actually do because it’s where all your actions begin. We need to be sure we’re renewing our minds DAILY, in order to replace our flesh’s thoughts with those of righteousness.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. – Romans 12:2

If you’re fantasizing and daydreaming about a man who is not your spouse, you’re sinning. It is NOT harmless.

But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. – Matthew 5:28


  • She doesn’t watch content (movies, tv) with sexually inappropriate content.
  • She doesn’t allow her sexual desires to be aroused by anything or anyone but her husband.
  • She doesn’t speak to other men without a third party included. She knows this protects herself, her husband, and the other individual(s). PLEASE TRUST ME ON THIS. DO NOT DO IT.
  • If she notices an attractive man, she does not dwell on him. She does not allow herself to think about him in any kind of romantic, intimate, or flirtatious manner.
  • She dresses in a lovely manner – first to honor and glorify the Lord but secondly for her husband. She doesn’t dress so other men notice her.
  • She is not flirty with other men. She treats them only as brothers in Christ or individuals who need the Lord, to be saved.
  • She guards her marriage fiercely; Sex, Romance, and Intimacy is precious to her and it’s her goal to protect it all with God’s help.
  • She does not gush about celebrities like a young girl who gets crushes. She is honorable in her thoughts, speech, and mannerisms.
  • She does not covet other women’s marriages; desiring their husbands.

What does God’s Word say? Remember THIS is our AUTHORITY.

For all that is in the world‚ÄĒthe desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life‚ÄĒis not from the Father but is from the world.– 1 John 2:16

Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. – Colossians 3:5

Beloved, I urge you as sojourners and exiles to abstain from the passions of the flesh, which wage war against your soul. – 1 Peter 2:11

For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not in the passion of lust like the Gentiles who do not know God; – 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5

Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. – Hebrews 13:4

But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires. – Romans 13:14

‚ÄúYou shall not covet your neighbor’s house; you shall not covet your neighbor’s wife, or his male servant, or his female servant, or his ox, or his donkey, or anything that is your neighbor’s.‚ÄĚ – Exodus 20:17

Boundaries I have put in my life to keep my flesh from being tempted to sin.

  • I do not watch sexually inappropriate content. It may mean you stop watching your favorite tv shows. This is a GOOD thing sister. Give them up. We are not to be like the world and engage in content that mocks the Lord and celebrates sin.
  • I no longer listen to most secular music. Music is powerful. Do not take it for granted. I no longer listen to certain love songs because they would stir feelings of inappropriateness in me. So, I abstain. It was hard at first but I don’t miss it at all now. I listen to hymns and worship music, classical songs, and music that is connected to my husband and I.
  • I don’t have any guy friends. None. Any males I know are my brothers in Christ but I don’t hang out with them, talk with them, joke with them, or think about them. I truly do not believe men and women should be friends outside of their spouses. Any men in my life are friends with my husband OR they’re the spouses of the women I am friends with – I DO NOT ENGAGE WITH THEM PRIVATELY. EVER. DO NOT DO IT. JUST DON’T.
  • Spend time daydreaming and reflecting on your HUSBAND. What do you love about him? Think about it. Pray for him where he falls short. Every love song you do hear, think of HIM. Do not allow your thoughts to stray towards someone else – AT ALL. I am so crazy about Jacob. We’ve been married for over 15 years and the work Jesus has done for us in the last 2 years has been a miracle, truly. I am more in love and in awe of my man now than I ever have been. This is a work of Christ and our work of obedience to Jesus in our marriage.
  • FOCUS ON BEING LIKE CHRIST, not a better version of YOURSELF. I have a very bubbly personality and often times it would come off as flirty. I thought it was cute. Now I am very careful about how I act. It’s NOT cute to be flirty – intentional or not. With Christ I can be in control of my behavior, my attitude, my mannerisms, and my words. I need to do what I can to honor my husband and our King, Jesus.

Trust the Lord with your obedience.

If you’re currently doing these things – sinning against God with your thought life – PLEASE REPENT TODAY – NOW. These sins will only spread and get worse and worse and worse.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness. – 1 John 1:9


Look to Jesus and cling to your husband. God transforms marriages. He makes them NEW. Be obedient and trust Him with the outcome.

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. – 1 Peter 4:8

Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. – Ephesians 5:22-24

Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. – Genesis 2:24



  1. Thank you, Jillian, for writing this correction and encouragement for your sisters in Christ. I am on a journey battling lust. Before following Christ, I was at the lowest point on the spectrum: Physical cheating on a boyfriend. Praise God for the work He has done, is currently doing, and will complete in my life! I can wholly agree that all of these points are absolutely necessary ESPECIALLY for someone like me who has fallen so short in my lifetime.

    I’m currently learning how to live in light of the fact that I actually do have to learn how to intentionally talk to men – I cannot simply avoid men. I cannot have male friends, but like you said, I have brothers at church, friends who have husbands, and men in my family.


  2. I love this! Flirting is so commonplace these days. Everyone flirts with everyone and it’s ok because everyone is doing it. This is absolutely backwards. There are things that should be reserved ONLY for marriage. Contrary to popular belief, we are capable of discipline and don’t have to act on or even consider every whim and desire that comes into our minds. We can keep our thoughts, words and actions clean with help from God. Thank you for this post. More people need to hear this.


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