As women in Christ, ALL sins should be repented of, but we know that even though we are Justified we still have our flesh waging war with the Spirit.
For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want. – Galatians 5:17
The purpose of this specific post is to share 5 sins I know have been an issue for me as a wife and may possibly be a sin in your life. We need to be constantly examining ourselves by being in the Word and in prayer. The Lord is so kind to lead us to repentance – He will reveal sin in our lives when we’re seeking Him.
There’s obviously way more than just 5 sins wives can commit but for the sake of your precious time (and mine) lets focus on these 5.
1. SPEAKING DOWN TO THEM
The husband has been designed as the HEAD of the marriage. He is OVER you, dear wife. This does NOT make you secondary to him in the heart of God. Let’s not allow our pride to swell, being tempted to allow rebellious thinking to take place. This is a loving order by our Creator. The husband is a protector for the wife.
There is neither Jew nor Gentile, neither slave nor free, nor is there male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. – Galatians 3:28
For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. – Ephesians 5:23
Speaking DOWN to your husband is not only sin because it’s an unwise way to use your words, but it is disrespectful to the way God established marriage. The husband is responsible for LEADING, not you – not me. We are to HELP, not GUIDE.
We should be speaking UP in encouragement to our husbands. We should use our words to UPlift them, to love them, to support them, to help in their own sanctification journey with the Spirit, and ultimately to honor the Lord.
Speaking down to them is treating them like YOU KNOW BETTER. And even if you do know better in a situation or on a topic, you can HELP them make wiser choices without being unkind, uncharitable, impatient, and cruel.
Remember love is patient, kind, self-controlled… 1 Corinthians 13
Our words can be used to build or to destroy. Are we using our words to break down our husband or to establish more confidence in his God given role as a husband?
“Let no unwholesome word proceed out of your mouth, but only that which is good for building up, that it may give grace to the listeners.” – Ephesians 4:29
2. NOT PRAYING FOR OUR SPOUSE
The Bible says that when we know something we should be doing and don’t do it, it is therefore sin. James 4:17. I do believe the RIGHT thing to do as a wife is to pray for her husband. If we are not praying for him, I do believe we are sinning against them by showing them an unkindness – almost like by not praying for them, we are “working against them.”
To pray FOR our husband is to be loving towards them – which we are commanded to do. 1 Peter 4:8, Galatians 6:2, James 5:16, Ephesians 3:14-21. So what would it conclude if we are not praying for them? To me, it would be UNLOVING.
Shouldn’t we, as the wives, be praying for them more than ANYONE else? I SAY YES! So, if you’re not praying for him….who is?
And so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. – Titus 2:4-5
And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people. – Ephesians 6:18
Remember, your husband is ALSO your brother in Christ. Eternally speaking, he will not always be your husband but will forever be your brother in the family of God. PRAY FOR HIM. He is a sinner, justified by grace, just like you. He needs to be treated also like a brother – pray for him. Pray for his sanctification. Pray for his safety. Pray for him to deny his flesh. Pray for his protection from satan. Pray for his love for Christ to continually increase. Pray for him to be repentant. Pray for him to be alert against the temptations of the world, of the evil one. PRAY FOR HIM DILIGENTLY.
3. BELIEVING OUR BEHAVIOR DOES NOT AFFECT THEM
Her husband has full confidence in her and lacks nothing of value. She brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life. – Proverbs 31:11,12
Ladies, what you do, say, and even THINK does affect your husband. 100%. It is completely unwise to believe that the two of you (your husband and you) are not BOUND. What you do reflects on him. Period.
We have great power to hurt or to help his ministry, his job, his reputation, his relationships, his character. An evil wife can bring her husband down with her, even if he is innocent in her sins.
Like a gold ring in a pig’s snout is a beautiful woman without discretion. – Proverbs 11:22
The wisest of women builds her house, but folly with her own hands tears it down. – Proverbs 14:1
The one we sin against is first and foremost THE LORD, let’s remember that. See Psalm 51. But being a wife without virtue, without practicing the things the WORD has commanded of those in Christ (both in thought and in action) can be used to destroy our husband. This is vital to remember ladies.
We should be striving to HELP and never HARM him. We can do this by being in the Word, obeying what we read, being in prayer, killing our flesh, and relying on the SPIRIT to keep us growing in Holiness and repenting when fall so short.
4. BELIEVING OUR THOUGHT LIVES DON’T MATTER
Your thoughts may be hidden from your husband but Oh sister, they are NOT secret. God sees all, knows all, hears all. He is 100% present in your mind.
Fantasizing about other men (or scenarios where your husband is different than who he actually is), thinking unkind and evil things about him, and any thought that is sinful IS NOT HARMLESS since your husband will never know them. This is foolish thinking.
Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life. – Proverbs 4:23
Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry. – Colossians 3:2-5
How many of the things listed there in Colossians are INWARD sins: sins of the mind, the heart. These sins: sexual immorality, impurity, evil DESIRES, envy, etc. are SO OFTEN SECRET SINS. Don’t get me wrong, you can see the rotten fruit of them and people DO act them out. 100% but these things – ALL SIN – begins first in the HEART!
But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death. – James 1
TAKE YOUR THOUGHTS CAPTIVE SISTER. NOW. TODAY. They matter. It ALL matters. And once you have those thoughts and are in agreement that they are sinful or possibly sinful – MAKE THEM OBEDIENT TO CHRIST. You repent. You go to the Word and renew your thinking with it. You pray for help. You think on things that are good, lovely, righteous!
For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ, – 2 Corinthians 10:4-5
5. PUTTING EXPECTATIONS ON THEM TO NEVER FAIL US
HE. WILL. FAIL.
He is a sinner – just like us. He will sin – just like us.
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. – 1 John 1:8
Even the most Holy husband will still sin.
THEY ARE NOT TO BE CHRIST TO US. They are representing Christ but they are NOT LORD. They are not to be our Savior, our Sustainer, our Salvation, or our JOY. We do not bear fruit by being in good standing with our spouse. We produce good fruit by being in JESUS, KING! JESUS IS PERFECT, YOUR HUSBAND IS NOT.
Expectations of him to never fail will hurt him, you and it can be idol worship. Yes, you can worship your husband and it is sin. ONLY GOD should be God and come first in our lives. Period.
(for you shall worship no other god, for the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God), – Exodus 34:14
He is going to sin ladies. Our expectations should be that God will lead him to repentance because He promises to sustain His sheep.
And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. – Philippians 1:6
IF your husband is not a believer, take heart dear sister:
Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. – 1 Peter 3
Forgive your husband when he sins – remembering his sin is ultimately against GOD (Psalm 51) and we are COMMANDED to forgive! COMMANDED LADIES.
Bearing with one another and, if one has a complaint against another, forgiving each other; as the Lord has forgiven you, so you also must forgive.– Colossians 3:13
For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses. – Matthew 6:14-15
In conclusion, and there’s sooooooooo much more that could be said about all these things, let us remember 1. BUILD YOUR HUSBAND UP WITH YOUR WORDS. 2. PRAY FOR YOUR HUSBAND. 3. KNOW YOUR BEHAVIOR/ACTIONS AFFECT HIM. 4. YOUR THOUGHT LIFE MATTERS. 5. DON’T TREAT HIM AS IF HE IS CHRIST. HE ISN’T.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. – Ephesians 5
For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, – 1 Peter 3:5
But let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. – 1 Peter 3:4